Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just cropdusted the office
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
