Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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