Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
