yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
