Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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