It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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