We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
