I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dicks are not precious.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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