Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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