last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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