What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
