No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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