Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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