Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
