An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
