Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
