theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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