Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
