I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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