rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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