having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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