I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize