btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
