Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
