Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize