so explain again why im purple
no
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
