she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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