did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
