come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
