dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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