he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
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There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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