Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had sex bonerless
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
