bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
