you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
