Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
