I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
