i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
