im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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