you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
