i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
