How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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