All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
