why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
