my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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