I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
