I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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