Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
