They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
