Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
