just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
