Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
