I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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