do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
