I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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