this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this boner is exhausting
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
