is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
