fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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