You're a womanizer and a bitch.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.