there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting