i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE