maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize