you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
