I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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