I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
