ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
