god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
