i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
