she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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