i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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