Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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