Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
